Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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