Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
