When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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