your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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