i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
