The maid of honor just puked.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
wow bdsm is so cute
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
