Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
