A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
