My sheets look like a crime scene.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
