the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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