I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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