this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
