He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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