whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
