so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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