WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
