And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
