Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
