Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
