so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize