Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
