Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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