i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize