The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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