Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
