Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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