So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
