then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
