I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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