Kiss
Puke
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
