Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
