Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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