I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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