this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
