party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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