Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize