I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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