i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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