I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
