You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
