Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize