There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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