you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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