So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
