Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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