I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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