Just fell off a train. Bad.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
