Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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