It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
