apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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