If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
