glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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