You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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