Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
