a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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