Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
