is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
