He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
