When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
