I hate your face
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
