May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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