I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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