i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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