It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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