I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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