We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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