having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
