do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
